I didn’t want to be labeled the girl with the eating disorder or stared at every time I went to the bathroom. I didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t want anyone to know that I was struggling and, more than that, I didn’t want to be a disappointment or continue to hurt those who I loved and loved me.
But let’s back up to the beginning. I spent my entire childhood, teenage years, and young adult life in the ballet studio. Training seven days a week, multiple hours a day, competing with, and training alongside some of the best dancers in the country. Through my intensive ballet training I developed a high level of discipline, dedication, motivation, and strove for perfection. That desire to be perfect was all consuming and affected every aspect of my life, both for good and bad. I was a shy quiet person and like so many young dancers and young women, I wanted to be thin. I resorted first to not eating and then causing myself to vomit the food I did eat.